First ‘Last Week’ of My Life

Canay
6 min readJun 3, 2019
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
—Mary Oliver

There are universal laws that apply to all living beings. One of them is a concept most of us like to avoid; death. Nobody is excluded, we will all die. You, me, that celebrity with 10 million Instagram followers, this stranger who just cut you in the line, the cute baby who was born today…All of us. Since you started reading this story approximately 60 people died somewhere in the world. It is weird that this fact is ignored not only in our daily conversations but also in most of life, business, product, service design. Human centric design industry recently started to make ‘death’ a part of design. You can now go and talk about dying as a real thing in ‘death cafes’ . Still generally we live as if there is no death, and even if there is, we are somehow untouchable. I am not a fan of focusing on death or I have no intention to visit a death cafe. But today I started to see ‘death’ with a new perspective.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

I was listening to ‘The Untethered Soul’ on Audible while driving to a meeting. In this remarkable book, author and spiritual guide Michael Singer explores the fundamental question ‘Who are you?’, seeking the very root of consciousness in order to help you learn how to dwell in the present moment. He says;

‘It is truly a great cosmic paradox that one of the best teachers in all of life turns out to be death. No person or situation could ever teach you as much as death has to teach you. While someone could tell you that you are not your body, death shows you. While someone could remind you of the insignificance of the things that you cling to, death takes them all away in a second. While people can teach you that men and women of all races are equal and that there is no difference between the rich and the poor, death instantly makes us all the same. The question is, are you going to wait until that last moment to let death be your teacher?’

As a super curious person, I won’t wait until everything is taken from me before I learn to dig down deep inside myself to reach my highest potential. I want to experiment with concept of death. It shouldn’t take death to challenge me to live at my highest level. I repeated Michael Singer’s question to myself; ‘What if this week was the last week of my life?’

‘What if this week was the last week of my life?’

I look at the sky, and I realize I drove with this wonderful scene more than a thousand times, and I rarely recognized its beauty. I take a breath and air in the car feels like a feast to my lungs. My attention now is on my hands; I can hold the wheel with these beautifully designed natural technology, what to say about my eyes seeing, and don’t forget about my brain which is sensing and helping me to realize…Millions of -beyond thought- gratitude particles are downloaded in my consciousness like a thunder strike. I have tears in my eyes.

It feels as if there is an earthquake in my thought structure, shaking my mental models. And after couple of minutes, instead of but stabilizing my whole conception of the world exploded. I was trying to hold on to something, anything that can be familiar, or for sure but there was only a void left in the light of death.

I think of my loved ones, my daughters, my family and friends. I want to tell them how precious they are, especially to my daughters. There are a billion things I wanted to say to them and do with them. I am shaken. I want to look into their eyes with all my love, trust and respect for their wonderful beings, and tell them ‘You are gonna be fine, more than fine. Thank you for being born and making me a mother, your mother.’

I want to straighten up my matters, there are things left unsaid, and many tabs left open in my relationships. I remember how sloppy I was on the phone with my mother, I want to call her back. No, I want to go and hug her, put my head on her lap. I will shut up and listen to her every sentence without interrupting her. If I’m gonna be dead next week, why to get annoyed or annoy my loved ones with little things (and oh they are all little things)? There is nothing but love in my heart. I am shocked how I could waste all that time, any time I did something else than sharing love. Now I am crying.

Singer’s voice brings me back;

A wise person affirms, “If with one breath all of this can change, then I want to live at the highest level while I’m alive. I’m going to stop bothering the people I love. I’m going to live life from the deepest part of my being.”

Photo by Eugenia Maximova on Unsplash

Simultaneously another question surfaces; what will happen to me next week? I have beliefs in my mental model, but as there won’t be any ‘me’, there won’t be any model familiar either. What is it there after death? What is beyond my consciousness? I start thinking about ‘The Ending Of Time’, dialogues between J. Krishnamurti and David Bohm exploring the origin of human conflict and what we can do about the barriers that stand in the way of insight and consciousness. I am still driving so I decide to take it as my evening focus, and redirect my attention to practicalities.

I think of my mission project: Children First World. What will happen to all the dreams, initiations, projects we have started? I trust my team and community, it will live and grow. Once more I feel grateful to my path, even if I were to die next week, I’d still focus on serving for this mission with the same people. But one thing for sure, shadow of death deigned me instant super powers; I can lazer filter my priorities, decide what I need, how much time and energy I can put into various activities. I can not waste a second by not being honest to myself and not serving to others.

Contemplating on death is a radical and powerful experience of simply being myself. But most importantly pushes you in the mother question’s woumb; Who am I? The question transforms into a feeling; I feel peaceful. I feel complete. I intend to make peace with death and repeat this ‘last week’ exercise until I come to peace within myself so that it doesn’t make any difference whether it is time to die or not.

Next time if you feel bothered by something or someone, ask yourself; what you would do with your last week? What are you doing with the rest of your time? What are you doing with life? You will see, everything is a million times more meaningful in that final week.

Pay attention. Breath. Be here and now. Because every moment matters.

That’s all for now. Although writing, sharing and connecting are so essential to me, right now I don’t want to spend my time more on my laptop. Life is precious and so beautiful, thanks to death. I want to laugh fully today, till my stomach hurts, I will run like a child, dance like a teenager and jump as high as I can. My life energy is running through my veins as if I am reborn.

Now let’s go out and live our adventure week!

With love & joy,

Canay

It is Adventure Time Everyday!

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Canay

Founder of “TheHeroines.co ” & “Conscious Learning Tribe”. Cultural Innovation Strategist. Conscious Business Designer. Children First World Heartivist.